


No Surprises

by hystericalzombie



Series: Soundtrack to our lives [1]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Angst, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, its a different style than i have done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 05:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3839230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hystericalzombie/pseuds/hystericalzombie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘No alarms, and no surprises...’</p>
<p>That’s how it goes, doesn’t it?</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>break-up fic, inspired by No Surprises by Radiohead</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 1am about two weeks ago? I think? I cannae remember

_‘No alarms, and no surprises...’_

That’s how it goes, doesn’t it?

It was playing when Ross looked him in the eyes, saying, _‘I’m sorry, its not working out, I think it would be better if we split for a little while...’_

It’s been a week, and he’s already moved out. Gone. Alex remembered that song playing while it happened. He remembered how he told himself he would never listen to it again, before playing that one song on repeat, over and over again.

Trott had already come over a couple of times, making sure he was ok. Was he? He didn’t even know anymore. He had to move on though. Make sure there weren’t anymore surprises. Just get on with it.

He sighed. It was gonna take some time, he knew.

\------

3 months, and he was still listening to that song. Anytime he was sad (which was too much, too often, he went to sleep crying) he played it. Alex didn’t even know why anymore. It was a security blanket he guessed. Reminding him of all the good times, even though it was on during the worst of times.

Ross nearly found he listened to it still. He was so terrified, he didn’t want him to find out. Didn’t want him to think he couldn’t cope, couldn’t move on.

(he hadn’t)

(he wished he could)

(it was killing him)

Trott knew though. He could tell. Alex never said a word.

\------

6 months since the split, and he thought he was getting better. He still couldn’t look at anyone else and not feel guilty, couldn’t stop comparing them to Ross. Alex was mending though, and the times he thought he wasn’t were becoming fewer and far between.

Maybe he could get on, just like he said he could. Like he told himself.

(voices in his mind at 2am told him otherwise)

He still listened to it. He hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since the first few days of the split, when Ross had gone to stay at a friends place than stay in the same house as him.

He was (hurt) glad he had done it though. He didn’t want him to see what had happened after. Didn’t want him to know how many times he listened to it in those first few days, before, during, and after he went a bit insane.

(he still has the picture he ruined, with all those harmful words scrawled onto his own face)

Alex was doing better now. It didn’t hurt as much.

(it still hurt though)

\------

A year gone. And Ross was inviting him out to a bar, a friends thing, he said, Trott’ll be there, some of the other Yogs. Alex hesitated, _‘I’ll get back to you,’_ he had said.

(afterwards, he said okay)

He looks into his bathroom mirror, telling himself, _‘You’re fine. Have one drink, don’t try to attract attention, you’ll be fine.’_

(he doesn’t say its the first time he’s drank since the break)

He tugs his shirt into place, and looks up. Looks at himself.

(he doesn’t know if he likes what he sees)

Black shirt, jeans, his hair in some form of order, a random scar on his left bicep (from when he drank last, and he broke a bottle).

A knock on the door and he starts, and shakes his head.

_‘It’s just Trott, calm down,’_ he tells himself, moving towards the door.

Click, goes the latch, and he swings it open, grabbing his keys and shoving them into his pocket before he looks up and he jumps again. Ross stands there, giving him a soft little half smile. "Ross?" Alex stares in confusion, before glancing down the corridor. "Where’s Trott?"

"I told him to go with Duncan, cos he didn’t know where the pub is. Shall we go?" Ross takes a step down the hallway, still watching him. Alex nods and locks his door.

With his back turned he takes a quick deep breath, mentally preparing himself before he turns around again, and follows Ross.

\------

A quiet car journey, and they are at the club, and the discussion for designated drivers begins. Alex volunteers to take Ross and Trott home, living closer to them then the others, which meant he was sticking to water for the night.

(he volunteers cos he’s too scared of what he might say)

The rest agree for other drivers, and Lewis goes up and buys the first round.

A hour later, and Alex has noticed how cozy Ross was being with him. Ross had made sure he was sitting next to him, and every so often their legs would bump, or a hand would end up on his arm. Each time Alex would flinch away (but he didn’t miss the looks Ross gave him each time it happened).

Eventually Alex couldn’t stand it, so he made his excuses, and he found himself looking at his reflection in the guys bathroom. He sighs, and passes a shaky hand over his face.

(he begins to think he can’t do this)

He takes a deep breath. And another one. The door opens, and he pretends he’s washing his hands and glances up to see Trott.

“Alright mate?” he greets, not letting Trott see the look in his eyes as he dries his hands.

“It’s Ross, isn’t it?” Alex looks up in confusion. “What?”

“Ross. He’s being too….close, right?” Trott takes a step towards him, placing his hand on his shoulder, voice low. Alex shakes his head.

“Don’t be ridiculous mate, Ross is fine.” Alex tries to move past him but his grip is strong, and Trott holds him in place.

“You know you can tell him to back off? Don’t you?” Trott says, looking into Alex’s eyes to help get his point across. “I can see him, and you getting uncomfortable. The others won’t think twice about it.”

Alex shrugs. “It’s just Ross being drunk, is all. It doesn’t matter.”

Trott looks up at him imploringly. “Now you know that’s not true. If you want to go home you can. No ones keeping you here. Ross and I can make our own way home.” He squeezes his shoulder.

“It’s fine, honestly. It’s not him.” Alex shakes his head again.

it’s me, the unspoken words hang between them, and Trott squeezes his shoulder again.

“You can leave any time you want. Okay?” Trott tries again, but Alex just nods.

Trott nods as well, and he pulls the taller man into a hug. “You’ll be okay. Don’t force yourself to do something you don’t wanna do, okay?” Alex nods into Trott’s shoulder, before pulling away.

Trott mumbles ‘ok’, and they both walk out of the bathroom.

A slow song was playing in the speakers, one Alex didn’t recognise, and he let’s Trott pull ahead. He looks out over the crowd, and shakes his head.

As he moves past the bar towards where the others were sitting, a hand catches his arm and he looks back. Ross was watching him, and tugs him close. “Wanna dance?” He says, his lips quirked into a little half smile. Alex hesitates, but the look in Ross’ eyes make him say yes, and he’s led onto the dancefloor, out of sight of the others, and Ross is placing Alex’s hands around his neck, his own hands gracing his hips, and Alex swallows.

Ross sways them both to the beat, and the singer sings about warm hearts and beautiful brains disintegrating, and he can’t help but think about how fitting that was for him.

(he was dissolving, slowly melting away)

Ross tugs him closer, so their chests were barely touching, and he just stares into his eyes, so calm, that sweet smile making Alex’s heart flutter. And for a moment, he forgets the past year, and he remembers dancing like this when they were together, the pair of them singing low and quiet with the song.

Reality sweeps in with a rush, and Alex freezes, and flinches away. “I-I’m sorry, I-I-I have, to go, somewhere.” He finishes lamely, and rushes off towards the door, and he doesn’t stop till he’s standing outside, gasping in breaths, shaking and cursing himself.

(wishing the earth would swallow him whole)

A solitary tear makes its way down his cheek, and he wipes it away quickly, and looks up and down the street, figuring out his way home. He hears the door of the club open behind him, but he ignores it.

“Alex!”

He spins around and faces Ross, the look of hurt and confusion plain on his face. Alex’s heart breaks a little, (he’s thinking that he did that, that was his fault) and he begins to stutter an apology.

But Ross moves forward, wrapping his arms around his neck and kisses him.

Alex freezes, but he can’t help falling into the kiss, and he clings to Ross as their mouths move together, remembering the paths they traced into each others lips.

They pull apart, and Alex just stares at him.

(he belatedly notices that their song was playing in the background)

“I’m sorry. I am so so sorry Alex.” Ross leans his forehead against his, and Alex looks into his eyes.

“I’m sorry too. For everything.” He whispers back.

Ross shakes his head and kisses him lightly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” he tells him.

They cling to each other, and sway slightly as Radiohead sings about no alarms,

and no surprises.

 

**Author's Note:**

> btw, the song that Ross dances with Alex to about warm hearts is called Medicine by Daughter


End file.
